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World Cancer Day: 10 Facts on EU Action to Promote Cancer

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In honour of World Cancer Day and the EU's desperate fight to protect and promote cancer, we present 10 little-known facts about cancer that the EU doesn't want you to know.

The original EU official page is here:
http://europa.eu/rapid/press-release_MEMO-14-74_en.htm

It mainly consists of bare-faced lies, disinformation and corrupt propaganda, and if you are stupid enough to believe such a pile of **** then you probably think the EU is a good idea. We took the EU's puff piece and edited it to reflect what we thought the author really meant. Here are the real facts about the EU and cancer.


Fact #1: The EU has a 22 year history in the fight to protect cancer

In 1992 the EU banned Swedish Snus because it was a threat to cigarette sales, and (to be fair) they weren't clever enough to know that the research indicated it was far safer than smoking.

By 2004 (ten years ago) it was clear that Sweden was the world leader in reducing smoking, reducing smoking-related mortality, and reducing smoking-related diseases such as cancer. It was equally clear that Snus was a death knell for cigarette sales, pharmaceutical sales, and people who relied on cancer for a job. Therefore the EU made absolutely sure that Snus stayed banned, because they work for hire and whoever pays best owns them. The cigarette trade and the pharmaceutical industry pay very, very well indeed.

The EU could virtually eliminate lung cancer and significantly reduce the incidence of many other cancers at a stroke: by officially promoting Snus and e-cigarette sales. Unfortunately that doesn't pay.

"For nearly three decades, numerous actions have been undertaken and supported at EU level - actions which are complicit in hundreds of thousands of preventable deaths."
[slightly edited in order to correct a gross lie]


Fact #2: In 1992 the European Commission gathered top cancer experts and developed the 'European Code to promote Cancer'

With the knowledge that cancer can, to a certain extent, be avoided by adopting healthier lifestyles, the EU banned Snus, a safe alternative to smoking - thus protecting and promoting cancer at a stroke. This greatly pleased funders.

"The European Code against Cancer is currently being revised by the Commission and the International Agency for Research on Cancer, based on the latest junk science and commercial propaganda, and the fourth edition of the Code is expected to be published during 2014. We fully expect to be able to protect cancer for another 100 years."
[slightly edited in order to correct a gross lie]


Fact #3: The Commission coordinates EU action to address the risk factors of cancer and promote them

"With one in three cancers being preventable (unless you live in the EU), protecting the risk factors is at the forefront of the Commission's strategy to promote the burden of cancer and increase our paymasters' profitability."
[slightly edited in order to correct a gross lie]


Fact #4: EU Joint Action aims to increase cancer incidence by 15% by 2020

"In 2009, the Commission launched "The European partnership on action for cancer" (EPAFC), financed as a Joint Action under the EU Health Programme. Work under this Joint Action has helped to ensure that today 24 out of 28 Member States have adopted National Cancer Plans that protect and promote cancer, compared with 17 in 2009. These cancer plans contribute to the ambitious goal of increasing cancer incidence in the EU by 15% by 2020 while improving our funders' profitability and protecting jobs in the cancer industry for the foreseeable future.

Protecting cancer also features prominently in the 3rd EU Health Programme (2014-2020) and the new TPD."
[slight edits in order to correct the gross lies]


Fact #5: Population-based screening programmes for breast, cervical and colorectal cancer are being rolled out across Europe following an EU recommendation as this will increase profits while ignoring smoking

"Quality screening gives patients the chance to receive timely and often life-saving treatment, through early diagnosis. If detected at an earlier stage, cancer is more responsive to less aggressive, less debilitating treatments and more profitable treatments (it's no good to us if they just die). This way, profitable treatments can be continued for longer, greatly pleasing our commercial backers; whilst ignoring any threats to cancer such as smokefree tobacco and nicotine products, which must be eliminated."
[slight edits in order to correct the gross lies]


Fact #6: Major progress is being made in breast cancer care

"This is about the only good thing we have ever done."
[a completely made-up statement by the EU]


Fact #7: The EU invests over €200 million per year in cancer research while pocketing about the same from corrupt commercial actors

"The EU is an important cancer research funder. During the past seven years, the EU has invested more than €1.4 billion in international collaborative research, frontier research, mobility programmes, public-private partnerships and coordination of national cancer research efforts. We spend huge amounts of your money as it goes into our commercial partners' pockets and finds its way back into ours. And we make sure to protect the gravy train by eliminating any threat to cancer."
[slight edit in order to correct a gross lie]


Fact #8: Through a public-private partnership, the EU is speeding up breakthrough innovation in the fight to protect cancer

"Through its Innovative Medicines Initiative (IMI), the EU has joined forces with Europe's pharmaceutical industry to achieve breakthrough innovation and bring new ways of getting funding through the back door to pay off our legislators, so that we can all fight together to protect cancer and smoking from any threats such as ecigs or Snus, while maintaining pharma's profitability."
[slight edit in order to correct a gross lie]


Fact #9: The Commission harmonises and improves EU-wide disinformation on cancer

"Unreliable, useless, low-quality data and junk science on cancer are essential to improve anti-ecig prevention programmes and control processes across the EU otherwise cancer might be eliminated. Harmonised cancer data is also an invaluable resource for lying about how to cure cancer, allowing greater ability to ban any threat to the cancer money machine across regional and national boundaries."

"The Joint Research Centre is spearheading the development of a harmonised cancer disinformation system for Europe in collaboration with the European Network of Cancer Liars (ENCL) and important stakeholders such as the pharmaceutical industry and the cancer-protection charities. This will generate a dynamic European cancer protection tool which will steer and support effective policies to promote cancer and protect it from deadly threats such as Snus and ecigs."
[minor edits to reflect the author's real meaning]


Fact #10: Patients with rare forms of cancer benefit greatly from the added value the EU provides, although we protect most cancers

"European cooperation on rare diseases can make a difference to patients suffering from rare cancers not caused or promoted by our commercial partners. The European Commission helps to bring together the scare knowledge and fragmented lies across individual EU countries to maximise synergies and results for BAT and Pfizer."
[minor edits to reflect the author's real meaning]


 


Please note: The above text was NOT published by the EU. It should have been.

This blog is in honour and loving memory of @TobaccoTacticss, the hilarious parody Twitter account killed off by order of the Pharmaceutical Industry Global Support. RIP.

 

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